"I saw his monkey pop out" shrieked the well manicured and absurdly feminine Benjamin Dover.

Passengers on a flight from Florida to New York were amazed to see a shivering but determined monkey peek out from under a man’s hat.

The embarrassed primate perpetrator, Tug Peter of Turgid Pine, Indiana, urged fellow passengers to be calm; even encouraging the curious to reach out and touch his monkey.

Seated across the aisle, retired Korean sausage worker Sum Lon Dong told reporters "He knew he might of pushed his monkey too far, and tried to reassure us that he had his little friend under control."

"Mr. Peekers is frequently loved and well behaved. I have no qualms about training and disciplining my monkey...when he's bad, I will spank him."

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"Clowns Lie, Children Die!" shouted an especially shrill, violent and void-of-all-logic group of protesters outside the Ministry for Clown Affairs in Strain-Upon-Bog, Midlands United Kingdom.

The Cindy Sheehan Professional Screamers (available at friendly hourly and daily rates for your next media snippet, civil disruption or bar mitzvah) were over-reacting to a recent incident with a clown. "Barney Baloney" was told by bosses at a supermarket where he was booked to appear that he should leave his balloons at home because of the potential for allergic reactions. Read More...

Brilliantly researched and crafted piece of work. More importantly, the best evidence we have to date that the Japanese are not as serious and "nose to the grindstone" as we believe them to be.


Farts Studing - Watch more free videos Read More...

Oh I wish I could claim I made up this story, but if you know the web, you love The Onion. I can't add any more to this to make you laugh - except some pictures.

"Every year, the whole town turns out to enjoy Nebraska's famous summer sunshine, sample foods, browse the craft bazaar, and shame homosexuals for their repulsive, decadent behavior," said Frank Mitchell, mayor of Grand Plains, NE.
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The New York City Council is once again demonstrating its moral superiority over the citizenry by proposing a ban on the words 'bitch' (the 'b'-word) and 'ho.'

"Now what in the hell am I supposed to f%@king do, change my friggin' tag line? It's my brand, my call sign, my 'thang'" exclaimed Kris Kringle (aka the Notorious Claus). "You take 'ho' away from me, then I'm just another fatso in a red suit."

Biggie Claus continued, "You see that corner over there? I count three of 'em...ho, ho, ho. See?!"

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Two officials at leading Communist Party bodies have given interviews in recent days warning - for the first time - that Beijing may use its $1.33 trillion of foreign reserves as a political weapon to counter pressure from the US Congress.

"America will have bad fortune from the cookies baked by the glorious and struggling international worker...no happy ending for you!" threatened Hu Yu Phuc Ing Lu King Yat during his Keynote at the Beijing Economic Summit and Beef & Broccoli Cook Off.



Chinese conspirators cleverly disguised as characters from the tv series "Kung Fu" plot global economic ruin, and which side to have with their Three Item Combo from Panda Express.

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This organisation - known as "Nashi", meaning "Ours" - is youth movement run by Vladimir Putin's Kremlin that has become a central part of Russian political life. This annual camp, 200 miles outside Moscow, is attended by 10,000 uniformed youngsters and involves two weeks of lectures and physical fitness. (Editor's Note: heh, heh, heh, and two weeks of a little something the Russians call Slapzki Buttski)

Michelin gives it 5 stars as does The International Older Guy Smokin' Hot Young Chicks Organization (IOGS'HYCO). Read More...

Vegansexuals are people who do not eat any animal products or meat, and who choose not to be sexually intimate with non-vegan partners.

The co-director of the New Zealand Centre for Human and Animal Studies at Canterbury University, Craven Morehead, said she coined the term after doing research on the lives of "cruelty-free consumers".

"I believe we are what we consume, so I really struggle with bodily fluids, especially sexually." replied Edna Spitzswallows, a vegan from Christchurch, New Zealand. Read More...

Perhaps my talents would be best directed at writing copy for British tabloids. Nonetheless, this Raucous and Randy Rascalian did more than shake his booty at the office party.

"I sang 'I am the Woman in Love', followed by a pithy rendition of 'I Touch Myself' when all of a sudden," drones James Bonermor, "bright flashes of light robbed me of my sight...I knew Big Jim and the Twins had been compromised, and I felt shamefully exhilarated."


No one can explain his penchant for exhibitionism and leaning to the right.

Read the full (real) story here.

What attracts a pretty girl to the rough and tumble world of transcontinental freight hauling? It's just so hard for me to envision truckers teasing their peers.

"I'm just waiting for my dream load," thunders Pat, "A container full of oversized 9 West shoes, plus sized Talbot's separates and medicinal grade silicone. What else could a 'girl' want?"


Sigh...

Read the full (real) story here.

Astronomers said on Wednesday they had discovered the best evidence yet of water outside our own solar system -- in the atmosphere of a giant planet 60 light years from Earth.

"Chicks are gonna dig us" exclaimed frustrated, lonely astronomers.
"Yeah, we''ll tell them we can see Uranus," giggled another from the back of the room.


Uranus as seen from NASA's Ben Wa probe

Read the full (real) story here.

Why in the hell would I start a stupid blog? Who is going to read this except for me? Worth a shot though...